2) If you perceive that
there are four possible ways
in which a spell can go wrong,
and circumvent these,
then a fifth way will promptly develop.
3) Every spell performed
to solve a problem
will breed new problems.
4) Mother Nature is sometimes a bitch.
5) Anything that can go
wrong will go wrong;
and anything that cannot possibly go wrong
will also go wrong.
6) The Craft as understood
will be judged otherwise by non-witches.
a) If you explain a situation so clearly that nobody can misunderstand,
the news media will.
b) If, during an interview, you explain
99 good things about the Craft, and tell one bad joke,
guess what will make the headlines!
7) No matter what the
result of a spell,
there will always be someone eager to:
a) misinterpret it,
b) fake it, and
c) believe that it happened
as a result of his own work.
8) Once a Ritual is fouled
anything done to improve it
only makes it worse.
9) The Coven is a mule,
not a car...if pressed too hard,
it will kick and turn on its High Priest.
of anything is crap.
a) When dealing with the occult, make that 95%.
b) When dealing with religion, make that 98%.
11) Everyone has a favorite ritual or spell that will not work.
12) As soon as you mention
if it's good, it goes away.
if it's bad, it happens.
13) If a spell requires
then immediately before beginning,
you will discover that you only possess
14) In any formula, it
will be discovered
that the required amounts
have been forgotten.
15) No books are lost
except those you particularly want to keep.
16) If you miss an issue
of a newsletter,
it will be the issue that concludes the article or ritual
that you are most anxious to read.
17) No matter what goes
it is always the High Priest's fault.
18) When your familiar
has fallen asleep on your lap
and looks utterly content and adorable,
you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
19) A toothache always
starts the afternoon of an important Ritual.
Usually after your dentist closes; unless he overdoes the Novocain
20) If a ritual is useful,
enjoyable and works,
it will have to be changed.
21) If you drop your Athame
during a rite,
you will discover that you are no longer able
to move your right foot.
22) In any outdoor Sabbat,
the Circle will be drawn around a patch of poison ivy.
23) In Any Sabbat performed
the person behind you will step upon your hem,
thus leaving you skyclad during a dance.
24) When all else fails,
consult your Book of Shadows.
25) If the facts do not
support your pet theory,
they must be changed or ignored.
26) In any Coven,
each member tends to rise to his level of incompetence.
organization of any Coven is very much like a septic tank,
the really big chunks always rise to the top.
28) Expansion of the Coven
and complexity decays.
29) The inevitable result
of improved and enlarged
communications between different Covens
is a vastly increased area of misunderstanding.
teaching that can be misunderstood
has already been misunderstood.
Often by your own teacher.
of the Coveners
account for 80% of the work.
32) Witches and Covens
will act rationally
only when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
33) A witch in power
always takes himself too seriously.
34) The amount of wind
blowing the day of a rite,
is inversely proportional
to the number of matches you have
to light the candles and incense with *
35) It's better to have
a horrible ending
than to have horrors without end.
36) A Witch will occasionally
stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
37) The universe is not
stronger than we imagine,
it's stranger than we can imagine.
3 When the going gets tough, everyone leaves the Coven.
39) In order for something
or someone to become clean,
something else must become dirty.
can all become dirty
without anything else becoming clean.
41) The other coven works better.
a) If you change Covens, the one that you just left
will begin to advance faster than the one that you are now in.
42) The closer that you
are to the basis of a news article,
the more obvious are the errors in the news coverage of the situation.
Newspapers rarely admit their own mistakes.
b)If they do, it will be at the bottom of page 49.
c) Witches in the public eye, therefore, need a warped sense of humor.
best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to
seal the letter and mail the article.
44) For every action,
there is an equal and opposite criticism.
45) Some Witches work
by the book,
even though they don't know who wrote the book
or even what book.
46) Don't let the Elders
know that you are better than they are,
otherwise you will never become an Elder.
High Priestess who attempts to inspire the Coven
with her knowledge of intricate details
has lost sight of the final objective.
The High Priest who ignores those same details
in an effort to reach the objective
will end up someplace else.
48) For every vision of
there is an equal or opposite vision
that negates your own vision.
49) The Coven member,
that you trained at great expense
is the first person to leave the Coven;
and usually he does so just when you need him the most.
50) If you are early to
it will be canceled.
a) If you are on time, it will be late.
b) If you are late, it will have started early.
51) The cream rises to
the top of a Coven;
so does the scum.
52) The more complicated
and grandiose the ritual,
the greater the chance that it will fail.
53) The more carefully
you plan a ritual,
the more you will resist admitting that it failed.
54) When explaining a
facet of magick or religion,
an easily understood and workable falsehood
is more useful than a complicated and incomprehensible truth.
55) Anyone who makes a
significant contribution to the Craft,
and stays in the Craft long enough,
will become an obstruction to its progress in direct proportion
to the importance of the original contribution.
56) Everybody lies;
but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
57) If you teach a lazy
the proper and safe way to draw a Circle,
he will state that it isn't necessary to do it that way
and toss out 90% of the ritual.
a) When this lazy witch gets into trouble
due to his ignoring the facts,
he will imagine that his failures are caused by another's curse.
58) The best and most
effective rituals occur
when you are home with the flu.
59) You always hear about
the need for a ritual or spell
after that need ends.
60) One hour before your
first skyclad Sabbat,
you will develop a large and unsightly pimple upon your left breast.
61) In any Coven your
sense of humor
will be inversely proportional to your position.
* = my additions
Have some more you would like to add..? let me know :)