Ever have one of those days
when it seems Nothing you did .. was right ? ..
Or
What to do when it hits the fan
and it IS your fault
Guilt part two


( A little peek into a very bad day )

Today was one of those days.. I , with the best of intentions,
still tromped all over someone else's feelings ..and the more
I Tried to apologize .. the worse it got :(

Why ?

Mainly Because , they didn't accept my apology for one, nor my explanation
seems they would rather think me hopelessly rude and stupid to boot , 
than think I made an honest error.
 In a situation where I took an action 
and I didn't check things as well as I might have before I acted ..

I did try, but I missed something in the process, which started the whole ball of wax
So when I acted, without this bit I missed, It backfired in my face

.... Royally ....

And they had hurt feelings, which Was my fault
no matter if I intended it that way, or not

Now I am at peace with the matter. Once I got over feeling like a complete Idiot,
who had just made herself look like a very rude and careless person.

I understand their original stand on the matter. I might have felt the same in their boots
once I realized what I had just done .

I tried to explain, to clarify what I did and why,
that this was unintentional, that I would not knowingly hurt them,
( Mind you this person was, until that moment, a stranger to me 
I would have no reason to WANT to hurt them )

I made what amends I could make,
.. but the problem is still there.. for them ..
as they wanted  something more it seemed

Guilt .. which I did feel .. for about 3 exchanges,
I was at fault here, but that was not enough

It was like they wanted to hurt me, make me suffer, be nasty and rude to me
as they felt
 I had been to them. I was not intentionally rude to them, but they seemed to think so,
and because they thought so, this gave them, in their mind, free license to heap abuse on my head.
I have said all this before, but from another perspective

On page one about Guilt I talk about how foolish all that is., in a word its Childish at best...
downright stupid at worst .. as what do they gain .. ?

The feeling of superiority that they are not the ones who blew it, this time ? :)

Which they then drag themselves through the same Mud they are busy throwing
at me. Does it really help matters for them to be rude to me.. ?

Even If they are mad because they feel I hurt them.. ,
Hell ,even If had done it on purpose

Does it make it right for them to be rude to me now.. ?

Mind now, we are not talking children here ,
but it sure sounds like it doesn't it.. :)

Shades of the Playground


So what to do about this boggle ?

..Nothing..

YOU heard me .. Nothing .. If you have done your best to make amends
and they refuse it. If what they want to do, in order for them to accept you again,
is to have you stand there and let them abuse you and make you grovel ?
Walk away, quickly, and let them gnaw their own liver
if it makes them happy to do so

But do not stand there and let them berate you ..
Even if your actions did lead to their injury

" Even the King may not hit a Man twice for the same offense "



Now why am I bothering to tell you all this ?

Well, it's certainly not to let you know I'm human
I think you already figured that one out :)

No Rather, it's to share a little more of what's what,
with regard to this tricky situation of guilt, we all find ourselves in from time to time..
This time from the perspective when their IS something for which some guilt might be an option
for something you said or did

Now we all know people who only open their mouth to change feet,
this is not about those poor souls and their squeaky clean toes :)

This is about yourself and how to handle,
with some grace, awkward situations IMHO anyway

And more importantly
how to avoid doing them again

As I have said in other missives, on the Pagan paths or any Path trough life
it behooves a person to be as informed as possible in order
to make reasonable choices, to take all things into account
before we take action

But what if we do all that, and it blows up anyway is my point here.
The lesson to be learned from it.

Re think it


Go over the thing again.. What did you miss ? Why did you miss it ..?
Where you careless .. ? Was the thing so hidden you didn't see it .. ?
Or you didn't dig deep enough ? Did the other party hide what you missed ?

( Believe it or not, this one happens a lot more often than you might think ,
think about why they would do that for second and you will see why, it's a power trip
If they can set you up to be the guilty one, they get to feel superior )

Once you have done all that, then

Map it Out

What could you have done differently ? Once you have that, then ask this
What prevented you from doing it that way this time ?
This ones important

Why ? Because it points out to us our blind spots, the areas we don't see or don't take into
consideration, and we all have them. Once you see where you could have done it better,
then see what caused you not to take the better route, to begin with.

How did you handle it ?

This ones a tuffy. Especially if we make some blunder
un-intended. As we tend to fumble the recovery too
and Mess it up even more, as we are taken by surprise by the whole thing.
But no matter how it came about, when it
was brought to your attention, how did you deal with it ?

What did you do..? How did you comport yourself ?
Did you look at from their point of view ? Did you get all defensive about it ?
How did you handle it ? And most important, was there a way
you could have handled it better ? And if so, again
what stopped you from doing it that way this time ? Then ...

Get Over It

There is a major temptation to wallow in a mire of self condemnation
when we screw up ... What ? It's not bad enough the other party
wants to take a whack at you .. that you wanna save them the trouble
and do it yourself ?

But mind you, I do not mean just toss it in the minds coat closet,
as it will sit there in the Dark and grow uglier and nastier as time goes on,
No, I mean just what I said.. get over it.. make peace with it
See page on Corners of the Mind for how to do that

You go outta your way to make peace with the other party,
doe's it not make sense to take as many pains
in making peace with yourself ?

Digest the Lesson

Review all you have done with this, Re thinking the whole thing.
Mapping it out as to what just happened and why,
a clear review of how you dealt with it.

Then file that away in the file box of the mind for further reference.
In case anything like it ever comes up again,
which it will .. Learn the Lesson placed in front of you

Then get on with your Life

Hope this helps a little to get a handle on it all
when it hits the fan !

Blessings on One and All

With Special Blessings
To any I have Ever Erred Against

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