Ever have one of those
days
when it seems Nothing
you did .. was right ? ..
Or
What to do when it hits the fan
and it IS your fault
Guilt part two
( A little peek
into a very bad day )
Today was one of those
days.. I , with the best of intentions,
still tromped all
over someone else's feelings ..and the more
I Tried to apologize
.. the worse it got :(
Why ?
Mainly Because , they
didn't accept my apology for one, nor my explanation
seems they would rather
think me hopelessly rude and stupid to boot , than think I made an honest
error.
In a situation where
I took an action and didn't check things as well as I might have before
I acted ..
I did try , but I missed
something in the process, which started the whole ball of wax
So when I acted, without
this bit I missed ,
It backfired in my face
.... Royally ....
And they had hurt feelings,
which Was my fault ,
no matter if I intended
it that way or not
Now I am at peace with
the matter. Once I got over feeling like a complete Idiot
who had just made herself
look like a very rude and careless person.
I understand their original
stand on the matter. I might have felt the same in their boots,
once I realized what
I had just done .
I tried to explain, to
clarify what I did and why,
that this was unintentional
,that I would not knowingly hurt them,
( mind you this person
was , till that moment, a stranger to me ,
I would have no reason
to WANT to hurt them .. )
I made what amends I
could make,
.. but the problem is
still there.. for them ..
as they wanted , something
more it seemed
Guilt .. which I did
feel .. for about 3 exchanges,
I was at fault here,
but that was not enough
It was like they
wanted
to hurt me, make me suffer, be nasty and rude to me .. as they felt
I had been to them. I
was not intentionally rude to them, but they seemed to think so,
and because they thought
so, this gave them, in their mind, free license to heap abuse on my head.
I have said all this
before, but from another perspective
On page one about Guilt
I talk about how foolish all that is., in a word its Childish at best...
downright stupid at worst
.. as what do they gain .. ?
The feeling of superiority
that they are not the ones who blew it, this time ? :)
Which they then drag
themselves through the same Mud they are busy throwing
at me. Does it really
help matters for them to be rude to me.. ?
Even If they are
mad because they feel I hurt them.. ,
Hell ,even If had
done it on purpose
Does it make it right
for
them to be rude to me now.. ?
Mind now, we are not
talking children here ,
but it sure sounds like
it doesn't it.. :)
Shades of the Playground
So what to do about this
boggle ?
..Nothing..
YOU heard me .. Nothing
.. If you have done your best to make amends
and they refuse it. If
what they want to do, in order for them to accept you again,
is to have you stand
there and let them abuse you and make you grovel ?
Walk away, quickly, and
let them graw their own liver
if it makes them happy
to do so
But do not stand
there and let them berate you ..
Even if your actions
did
lead to their injury
"
Even the King may not hit a Man twice for the same offense "
Now why am I bothering
to tell you all this ?
Well, it's certainly
not to let you know I'm human
I think you already figured
that one out :)
No Rather, it's to share
a little more of what's what,
with regard to this tricky
situation of guilt, we all find ourselves in from time to time..
This time from the perspective
when their IS something for which some guilt might be an option
..
for something you said
or did
Now we all know people
who only open their mouth to change feet,
this is not about those
poor souls and their squeaky clean toes :)
This is about yourself
and how to handle,
with some grace, awkward
situations IMHO anyway
And more importantly
how to avoid doing
them again
As I have said in other
missives, on the Pagan paths or any Path trough life
it behooves a person
to be as informed as possible in order
to make reasonable choices
, to take all things into account
before we take action
But what if we do all
that, and it blows up anyway is my point here.
The lesson to be learned
from it.
Re think it
Go over the thing again..
What did you miss ? Why did you miss it ..?
Where you careless ..
? Was the thing so hidden you didn't see it .. ?
Or you didn't dig deep
enough ? Did the other party hide what you missed ?
( Believe it or not,
this one happens a lot more often than you might think ,
think about why they
would do that for second and you will see why, it's a power trip
If they can set you up
to be the guilty one, they get to feel superior )
Once you have done all
that , then
Map it Out
What could you have done
differently ? Once you have that, then ask this
What prevented you from
doing it that way this time ?
This ones important
Why ? Because it points
out to us our blind spots, the areas we don't see or don't take into
consideration, and we
all have them .Once you see where you could have done it better,
then see what caused
you not to take the better route to begin with.
How did you handle it
?
This ones a tuffy. Especially
if we make some blunder
un-intended. We tend
to fumble the recovery too
and Mess it up even more,
as we are taken by surprise by the whole thing.
But no matter how it
came about ,when it
was brought to your attention,
how did you deal with it ?
What did you do..? How
did you comport yourself ?
Did you look at from
their point of view ? Did you get all defensive about it ?
How did you handle it
? And most important was there a way
you could have handled
it better ? And if so ,
what stopped you from
doing it that way this time ? Then ...
Get Over It
There is a major temptation
to wallow in a mire of self condemnation
when we screw up ...
What ? It's not bad enough the other party
wants to take a whack
at you .. that you wanna save them the trouble
and do it yourself ?
But mind you, I do
not mean just toss it in the minds coat closet,
as it will sit there
in the Dark and grow uglier and nastier as time goes on ,
No, I mean just what
I said.. get over it.. make peace with it
See page on Corners
of the Mind for how to do that
You go outa your way
to make peace with the other party,
doe's it not make sense
to take as many pains
in making peace with
yourself ?
Digest the Lesson
Review all you have done
with this, Re thinking the whole thing .
Mapping it out as to
what just happened and why,
a clear review of how
you dealt with it .
Then file that
away in the file box of the mind for further reference .
In case anything like
it comes up again,
which it will .. Learn
the Lesson placed in front of you
Then get on with your
Life
Hope this helps a little
to get a handle on it all
when it hits the fan
!
Blessings on One and
All
With Special Blessings
To any I have Ever Erred
Against
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