Sunlight over the ocean

The Quest For The Self

 Self Enlightenment on the Pagan Path

The Rune of Ra"dio is the Rune of the Journey
In this Case the Journey towards the Self
On the Ocean of your own Mind

One would think that since the Self
is always with us . This should be an easy trip :)
Not so, as any seeker of the true Self has found out

What is the "True" Self ?
Does this mean there is a false Self ?
How does one find this Self ?

AT The Oceans End

The True Self

As to what makes for the true Self ,this is the Self that is left
when you stop lying to yourself about who and what you are

Yes I said lie :) ...  but not so deliberately ... but it's a lie none the less
Only Man lies, and he lies mostly to himself
and most often about himself and often does not even know it

When he lies to others this is regrettable but commonplace
It is when he lies to himself... about himself,  that trouble begins

Ask your average person "Why did you or do you/feel that way ? "
and you will get a because but NOT an explanation, of the real reason

A little history of me of when the questioning of the Self
and my thoughts on what to do about it, began

I used to be horribly afraid of anything over my head, as in boxed in
Yet today I was crawling around under the deck without a care in the world
other than to make sure I didn't poke myself with the nails coming through it,
or get too much dirt in my eyes :)

Time was however, you could not have gotten me under there 
unless my life depended on it, and maybe not even then :)
 Which was the thought that ran through my head while I was under there

Anytime I used to try and do such things, it felt like there was no air
and I would suffocate, which is foolish, but this was my reaction

Years ago however, I decided it was ridiculous to have such a reaction

What if I got into a trapped situation like that and keeping a cool head would make
the difference between life and Death ? ( which did indeed happen to me
some 7 years later.. FYI ) but anyway..Onward

So I took the feeling on and lo and behold, found its source,
realized what foolishness it was, and other than a tiny bit of trepidation
when I have to look up at something I'm lying under,
causes me no further problems :)

MY own mind gave me the clue about me, and why I had this problem

What I found in my memories was a time in childhood
when someone had trapped me in a box and wouldn't let me out..
it got hot and stuffy and at toddler size, I was terrified

Which gave me, what would have been, life long claustrophobia
This came to a head when I had to have a Cat scan done.

The old machines for this test were like an atom smasher, ( the new ones are not much better )
but the old ones, were two large steel massive round plates, 
with you in the middle
, like the stuffing in an Oreo cookie  :)

When they brought the top down to my nose I freaked...! ! ! !
They had to sedate me to do the test at all

So what has this got to do with the quest for the true Self ?

Lots :)

How does one find this Self ?

"Know thyself" were the words carved over the doorway
at the entry to the Oracle at Delphi or so it's said
and the words hold true, whether they were really there or not

And regarding the above issue, I didn't know myself.  I had  just accepted that I could not
deal with small tight places .. period.. like this was normal
Up to that point I had never questioned it, it  just was !

Until that moment ... When I chose to take control of myself

This was also the time when I was starting to question my thoughts on the Path,
this started a snowball rolling downhill,
that is still gathering a few snowflakes from time to time
And most likely will till the day I breathe my last

My personal Quest for the real me, started with a terrified woman
groggy from the sedation, thanking the Doctor for telling me the results
of the Hell I  just when through  ... were good ...
who had decided that the feeling of AHHHHH had to go !@

But once I challenged that .. I started to challenge it all

At this same time I was also reading a very good , hack into your own head book ,
which I highly recommend ( see link at page bottom )
So between them all, Medical, self help and the Path
I started my Quest to find out what my true "Self" looked like

I was Amazed !

At all the unmitigated Crap I had floating around in there
that I allowed to dictate my actions, on almost a daily basis :)

The False Self

The more I started digging and questioning, the more I found that wasn't real, 
that had no basis in fact, often made no sense.
 They were mental shortcuts, habits, 
things grafted on that I had never even asked where they came from .. prejudices ..

and lots of pre-conceptions based on absolute balderdash !

Now did this happen overnight ? In a Word Hellno ! :)
This took a dedication of years, Meditation, repeated  journeys into the mind, the heart, and the soul 
but the basics were done in a matter of months
and the process continues

The primary "how to" is the willingness to challenge the self
To monitor the self, and ask yourself questions

Every time I would do/think something
I would ask myself the same ???

"Why did you just do that ?"

And if I couldn't give myself an answer that made sense I.E.:
something better than .. because .. then it went on the list of things I had to hunt down the reason why,
and  once found, I Kept only  if the reason I found made sense

This is not easy I won't lie to you

It's hard to give up your own preconceptions about things.
The mental challenge to take yourself on for size is a bit daunting ,
but if you want to walk the walk and not  just talk the talk
then it is absolutely vital that you do

The Way of the Witch is a Path of such challenges to the Self
done for  just about everything, as each thing must be weighed
on its own merits, there is no place for mental shortcuts,
that are not based on real feelings and experiences
And even they are suspect

It's not enough to do as your parents did just because they did so,
or your teacher .. or your mentor .. No matter who or what is the authority
who gave you your information. It has to be challenged too,  tested,  poked ,
prodded and generally shaken to see if it holds up as valid ,  then if it does..
then you can keep it and use it as it makes sense to use it,
as it works, for You

You know that you have learned the way of Self knowledge,
that you have met the Real YOU .. when no matter what is asked
by yourself or others you have a ready answer that is a REAL answer,
the real reason why you do/think/feel anything at all
It is a process that you will do for the rest of your life

Friends of Mine have Learned
Never ask me what I think unless They really wanna know !
Cuz I will tell them .. in detail  ! :)

( Like you couldn't tell the way I run off at the mouth :) he he he

May your Journey to the Inner sanctum of the Self be Blessed
with fewer land mines than I tripped over :)

For a VERY Helpful book on this Journey Please See
Find a copy of a book called

Psycho Cybernetics


Return to the Self

aardvark animations link back
For the Waterfall
whose site is no more, but I give them their due anyway

Rune Graphics made  just for me :) by Mistress Tegan
See banner page for her site