Looking for Mr. Right and getting Mr. Wrong
Peeves with the Personal's
Warning Major Rant coming !!!

My sojourn through the personal's

At my sisters insistence, despite my misgivings about it all, I placed a personal ad. In fact several of them. Personal ads are supposed to be a search for love and companionship, but we have to get past the first impression stage to meet. And I am about fed up with the whole thing. Mind you I am talking about servers that are supposed be about hooking up for real relationships, not the sex boards.

Now I have heard all the complaints from the guys about how we women show a pic that is ten years old or lie about our age etc. To improve that first impression ,well there's a reason some women do that and you guys are to blame.( see complaint one ) Just for the record, I don't, my pic is recent and I don't lie about my age. Men also complain that these things never work, no one calls etc etc ,well I can tell you why a lot of that happens too, at least from my own point of view.

I can run through about 200 ads, or pile of letters, in less than half an hour, its fairly easy ,due to some very common things a lot of you guys do that make women say NEXT ! before you even get a chance, because of what these things say about your personality, not to mention, in some cases, your apparent estimation of our intelligence. Pardon me while I indulge myself in a bad hair day, and get a little riled here. :)

For Example :

Overtly picky about physical appearance or age:

The first thing I noticed is that many men my age bracket ( 45 and up ) want women who are 20 years younger than they are. Why ? Lets face it guys, your in your 50's what the heck is some 30 year old or younger, woman gonna want with you? Unless your wealthy, in which case , as a general rule, you don't want her if you have sense. :)

Or you place so many demands that the woman be in perfect health, be wonder woman in spandex, have all their own teeth ( not kidding I have read this, often ) and other such nonsense. In short, looks like a young woman. Now when I was 35, hell all the way to 40, I could say yeah to most of that, but not at 50! And I can bet neither can most of the men who make such demands. In fact I am sure of it, seen their pics.

And guys we know this to be true, we are not stupid. So you guys just insulted every woman of your own age bracket who, like yourself, has been around the block a few times, who may wear dentures, glasses and like most people our age has a problem or three. I have several disabilities and I guess that makes me useless in your eyes ? Your loss.

This kind of demand is why some women are tempted into fudging the stats a little that so many of you complain about, as you refuse to accept us as what we are, women, the same age as you, gray hair and all. It says to us that although we are the same age as you, that we are not good enough for you because we are no longer young. Its insulting because neither are you.

It also says to those younger women you are after, that you don't want a mate, you want a status symbol on your arm to show off , to impress your friends. It goes back to we are not stupid, we know why you would want a woman so much younger than yourself. And it does not even work most of the time, every such ad I have ever seen, has been up a year and more. If you can not get something going in a year or so guys ( a year your paying for I might add ) there is something wrong with your expectations. NEXT !

Has never read the profile:

This one is a real tick me off , as its downright disrespectful.

I get letters all the time from guys who very obviously have never even read my profile. A profile I put a great deal of time and effort into. How do I know ? Because, for one, I say right on the thing, do not give me your phone number and expect me to call you or worse, ask me for mine. And I say point blank why not. Even the rules of the board say do not do this. A line I had to put in because I got man after man who literally will NOT talk to me via the board and insist that I call them. Too much trouble to type they say. Not once comes this demand, but repeatedly, no matter how often I say, NO I don't call people till I get to know them very well and I don't give out my phone number. Completely disregarding my wishes on the matter in most cases, just to save themselves a bit of inconvenience ?

They expect me to pick up the phone and call a total stranger. Guys think about this for a moment. That act gives a total stranger my address ( takes maybe 60 seconds once caller ID or *69 gives them my number, then back track it ), so its not prudent for any woman to do till she gets to know a guy a bit. So expecting a woman to put herself at risk, just so you don't have to hunt and peck on the keyboard, cuz ya cant type or something is just beyond rude.

I mean come on, for all I know you could be Hannibal Lector.. IN DRAG ! And most have the nerve to get miffed when I call em on it. Needless to say, it don't win em any brownie points. NEXT !

Lousy Pic or no pic :

Most of you guys put up such lousy pictures, its called guys come on. If you wanna impress me at least put up a decent photo that shows me what you look like. My faves, you are wearing shades, or the pic is so fuzzy ya can't tell what you look like. If you even bother to put one up at all. What are you hiding? It makes me wonder. I don't even bother looking at ads that don't have photos, how hard is it fellas to have someone snap a shot and post it huh ? Dropping a pic down to a disk so you can upload it to your computer and get it online is a 5 min trip to any local drug store or wal-mart self serve photo processing so there's no excuse for not having one. No pic to most women means you are afraid to show yourself. It begs the question of why ? It does not have to be a glamor shot but at least one that shows your face ! NEXT !

Macho pics:

This ones almost as bad, there's a pic.. not of a man, but of a stud whose trying to impress me that he's got pecs or a fancy car. Yeah, and your point is ? I used to have a hard body that would put most guys to shame, I was a dancer for 14 years and a body builder. It proves diddly, other than your in love with your wt set. And cars, who cares if you have a BMW. As the song says, that don't impress me much. These are normally the ones that want wonder woman in spandex. NEXT !

Make up your mind:

When asked what you are looking for: fling, dating, committed relationship, marriage, friend?

A lot of you guys tend to say all of the above, which means you have no plan in mind and will take whatever you can get, from a wife to a one nighter. This does not say you know your own mind or what you want or give a damn what you get. Pick some that show what you want ! NEXT !

Way too young for who your talking to:

Believe it or not I get letters from guys that are 18 to 25 years old. Now, nearly all of my mates have been younger than I, my last was 10 years younger, so younger is not a problem, but more than half my life younger ? I think not, I have kids older than that. What on earth would we have in common ? And would you really want people thinking your my son ? I mean come on .. think about it. NEXT !

Out of the country:

Guys, cop a clue here. If the board is about dating, what good does it do to write me from 20 thousand miles away and talk about a relationship ? Makes a body think your either after a green card or your a fool.
This one happened so much I finally put a line in my profile about it too.. of lets not waste each others time here. If you can't get in the car and drive to meet me or I you in less than a few hours, what the heck is the point ? What are you gonna do, sky dive in ? NEXT !

Fake sentimentality or overt sexuality:

The copy a lot of you guys write, reads like something from a bad romance melodrama which does at least say your trying, but its not real, unless your a poet. Or worse reads like something out of an S and M magazine with all kinds of sex references. The first tends to bore us, as it sounds phony most of the time, which makes us tend to not trust your sincerity, the second disgusts most of us as its intimacy coming from a stranger. To us, it is no different than if you walked up to us on the street and started talking dirty. Don't do this on the normal boards, its just rude. Granted we all have a limited space to work with and try to get the most attention out of it and not all of us are great writers, but skip the sex talk and melodrama and just be yourself. If ya hit it off you can get kinky as a slinky if thats your trip, and mutually agreeable, but not on the frist meeting. NEXT !

Canned letters:

This one is just irksome. You put no effort into it at all, its the same message ya sent out to Goddess knows how many women, as a shot in the dark and its obvious as all hell guys. It may as well be the same canned messages we get in the spam filter of our inbox.

My fave, The letter is a copy and paste of your profile. It takes us three seconds to see that. We are not stupid, and we are not impressed, so please don't insult our intelligence. And don't bother getting mad and being nasty when we call you on it, I mean really, did you think we wouldn't notice ? NEXT !

Answer the questions:

A lot of you guys don't even fill out the information. What we get is a few lines of lame and everything else is left blank. Again what are you hiding ? You have paid for this to be up here looking for a mate, yet you won't share enough of yourself to answer a few simple questions, why would we think you might want to share a life ? NEXT !

Won't tell how much money you make:

Most telling is where you leave out your income on those boards were theres a space for it. Get real, if you are a woman, checking out a potential mate, that info is kinda important. Too many of us have had to support the family as the man in our life didn't have a job. And therefore, one of the first things we think, when you don't list an income or tell what you do at least, is that you are unemployed.

I don't care if you ARE afraid of getting a hail from someone, who is just out for your money if your well off. Its your responsibility to weed out such people after you meet them. But in the mean time, you have just insulted every woman who reads your profile, as the second thing we assume is you think we are a gold digger whose out after your wallet, not your heart. You are showing distrust of someone you don't even know, for fear of a few unprincipled women. NEXT !

Negative Ad:

Hostile posts: Can not count the number of these I have seen. No drug addicts, no women with hang ups, no beetchs with attitude, NO NO NO. Not what you want and can offer, but what you don't want. My favorite, " I am not your sugar daddy, if your looking for someone to support you look somewhere else " There's a real winner for ya.. NOT ! Tell us what you want, not what you don't want. We have all been burned at one time or another with a bad relationship, and we all have things we don't want, but an ad full of negatives and you just come off as a man with a serious attitude problem. NEXT !

Friends first and we will see where it goes:

What is this ? What is the point of putting up a personal ad, at expense I might add, if all one wants is a friend, there's a million chat rooms you can get that for free. We all should be " friends" in the start of any relationship, this is a given. This is not what this says to us however, this statement says to us that this is not someone looking for a relationship. This says to us that your afraid of commitment with this nebulous we will see where it goes. This is someone who is holding their options open to bail on the whole thing, so why should we invest our time ? If you are not looking for a relationship and ready to make the effort to commit to one, why are you paying to put a personal out on the net ? NEXT !

Date last seen:

Haven't checked in, in weeks mts etc. All this says is your not interested in finding a mate, it was just a shot in the dark ,you really don't care about or have given up. Well if you don't care enough to come see once in a while, why should we think you will have time for us either ? NEXT !

Don't answer the mail:
This one really gets me, we send a note of hey ?? And get no reply at all. Well I don't know about you but your going off my faves right now. How hard is it to answer an email ? How hard is it to keep the email you have listed up to date and working ? How hard is it to take down the ad, if you found someone ? NEXT !

Your married:
This one is just out of line. If you have a mate you have no business putting up a personal on the boards where one is looking for a relationship, you already have one and are not available. And news guys anit a one of us will believe for a second, that your getting a divorce, until its a fact. We have been burned way too often with that line. When you get it, then put the ad up, not before. NEXT !

Now mind you its not all bad, as I have met a few good people this way. It just didn't work out, which happens, we tried and that's the best one can do. Which is why I keep trying I guess. But, I am still alone, bored with the repetition of lame lines, sex talk and married men looking for some side jobs, meanwhile getting jerked around by the ad servers trying to get more money out of me. All for the sake of looking for love in my life. Perhaps my sisters insistence not withstanding ,the personal's are a case of looking for love in all the wrong places.

Is there someone out there who really knows what they want and is willing to make the effort to start a relationship with some honesty and is realistic about their expectations ? I am beginning to wonder.